The Tragedy of Simon Laurent (Infinity Train Book 3)

The Infinity Train series has always been about growth. It explores the idea of healing from your trauma through the patience and guidance of those around you, and the strength within yourself to change. Each season so far has tackled a different thematic or conceptual concern. Every book followed a formula that we had come to expect; a character boards the train after a life altering event, they go through the trials of each car until their assigned number of faults goes down to zero, and then they leave. The show wastes no time, making sure every second is dedicated to conveying its message. Although season one and two were incredibly interesting and powerful in their own right, it is through the subversion of expectations and established tropes that makes season three stand out the most.

Book three of the series takes advantage of the previously answered mysteries surrounding the train in order to focus on the complicated nature of the characters themselves. This season flips the narrative and choses to put Grace and Simon, minor antagonists of book two and veteran passengers, into the spotlight. The two run a rebel group that navigate the train, doing their best to create chaos under the false belief of righteousness and with a lack of sympathy for the train’s inhabitants (that the show calls denisens/nulls). The pair’s inaccurate understanding of the train’s inner workings are at the crux of their conflicts. When they are separated from their compatriots, their entire philosophy begins to be challenged, causing them to question not only how they interact with the train, but also their relationships with each other, and themselves.

Both Grace and Simon are multidimensional characters. However as much as it would be interesting to explore Grace’s connection to the nulls she once despised, bringing her to understand the burden that she let weigh on herself for the last eight years, just like the season itself, I believe there’s much more to be said about the most hated yet nuanced of the pair, Simon.

The Tape

The difference between Simon and the rest of the cast, is that despite being one of the main human members, he does not get the “privilege” of going through his past memories and casting them for both the viewer and characters to see. The series wants us to believe that being shown your own memories, or tape as they call it, is dangerous and reckless. Yet it is through these tapes that most of our protagonists are able to make the most change. Through confronting their worst moments, their flaws, and their faults, they are able to work past it and grow as people. We see that if they weren’t careful, they could be consumed and trapped forever, but it is through these tapes that the strength in characters like Tulip and Grace are truly defined. There’s an important message in confronting your past because without it, you wouldn’t know where you went wrong and where to go from here on out.

So where does that bring Simon?

When Simon shows Grace her tape, there’s a verbal acknowledgment of his wrongdoing. He was explicitly warned against showing someone their own tape, yet he does it to a person he supposedly loves and cares about. During this scene, Grace asks Simon, “Do we have to dig through your most painful memories next?”. And it’s unfortunate that we don’t, otherwise Simon might have gotten the push that he needed towards actual positive change. The memories of Grace interestingly enough, show how Simon is attached to the past. He manipulates the tape, only showing parts that fit his side of the narrative. He changes the appearance of the “True Conductor” to represent how he perceives them despite never having seen them and most importantly, isolates the exchange of dialogue that makes Grace look like a liar, withholding information from him to intentionally hurt him rather than for the protection of those around him. It's odd how Simon simultaneously refuses to accept the truth yet also accuses everyone of lying to him.

Abandonment and Sympathy

We never learn anything about Simon past his abandonment issues associated with his null, Samantha, which not quite justifies, but explains, his actions and resentment towards other nulls. You see, a null is supposed to guide their human passengers through the train, acting as a catalyst to their arcs. But Simon, again, doesn’t get this liberty. Despite being only ten at the time he arrived on the train, Simon was forced to defend himself when his null ran and never returned. It is only when he meets Grace that he gets some semblances of guidance. And what does she tell him? That the higher his number gets, the better he’s doing. Which couldn’t be further from the truth.

It’s the attachment to his ways and most importantly, his hatred of nulls that ultimately leads to his undoing. There’s a moment midway through the season when Simon leads the viewer and the null, Tuba, into believing he was ready to turn his life around. But when he is shown to be incapable of sympathising with the abandonment that Tuba faced just because she’s a null, he does the unthinkable and murders her. This only widened the fractures between Grace and Simon. The secrets that they keep from each other tear them apart to the point where Simon doesn’t understand his own feelings nor know what he really wants from the situation.

The thing about Simon is that with his black and white vision of the world, he chooses to judge others not on their intentions but rather their actions alone. He doesn’t try to understand why Samatha left him. He refuses to accept the reasons Grace hid a null from him despite watching the truth unfold before his very eyes. He refuses because what difference does it make when the end result is still the same.

Pre-Infinity Train

Those selected to be a passenger of the infinity train have a range of reasons to be there. And generally we are given the chance to learn why these people have been chosen. So we can empathise with them, so we can understand their motives, their actions, and their struggles on a more personal basis.

Book one’s Tulip struggled to face the reality of her parents’ divorce, unable to understand or let herself see the signs beforehand. She refuses to accept the cards that she’s been dealt, settling to run away from her problems rather than tackle it head on. In her time on the train, she learns to make the best of a bad situation and this is what let’s her off the train.

Jesse, although not the main protagonist of his season, he is still a human that undergoes a change nonetheless. We learn that although he’s a good person in heart, he let himself be manipulated into becoming a bully to the point that he would hurt his own brother. It’s through learning to take control of his own actions and thoughts and being able to reconcile with his brother for the damage that he’d done that lets him off the train.

Grace, like Simon, wasn’t given proper guidance as a younger child. Her rich parents didn’t make the time for her and she was left with only the people that were hired to deal with her. The distance between her and those around her is conveyed through her memory sequence where she flicks through different disembodied outfits, unable to remember anyone significant. Grace wanted one thing, her parents’ love, yet she never received it. It’s why on the train, her and Simon develop an “entitlement” to what the train offers. Her turning point occurs in season three when she is put in charge of a little girl and becomes the parental figure she never had. Even at the beginning of the season we see her treat kids with the utmost care and love because she understands what it’s like to be in a position like them. So by the end, she has developed such a desire to right the wrongs that were inflicted on her whole life view topples and thus begins her character arc.

So what about Simon? That’s the thing. We don’t know. They never tell us or at least not in season three. I know that Owen Dennis, creator of Infinity Train, tweeted it’s because he lost a spelling bee but in my opinion, it felt more like a joke answer than anything else considering the real issues that we see Simon struggle with throughout the season. I'm a believer in the notion that a person’s troubled past does not justify their poor judgement or actions in their future, but it’s troubling to think that the horrible events that unfolded could have been prevented if someone would’ve given the time or care to notice how hurt Simon was. In saying all this, Grace or any of the others are in no obligation to help him because as a passenger, they’re dealing with their own issues but I guess that doesn’t excuse Samantha, whose only purpose was to do just that.

Journey’s End

Simon is a deeply flawed and troubled character. Although he was influenced by a number of external factors, no one is truly to blame for what happened to him. He chose his fate and thus he paid for what he did. There’s a tragedy in his character in that he never gets the advantages that other characters were handed. I can’t tell if there’s a poetic justice, an irony, or a deep misery in the fact that the same creature that he ran from at the very beginning of his stay, the ghom that terrorised him the day he was abandoned, that ultimately brings his downfall.

We watch him lie there struggling to push himself away from the ghom until finally it gets the better of him, melting the flesh from bones and turning him into ash. Even writing this it feels unbelievable. These characters are supposed to get the chance to change and then eventually leave for the better. But Simon doesn’t get that. I know he says he doesn’t want to change but how could he when all he’s known is what he’s been told?

For a character we’re supposed to believe is practically evil for his lack of sympathy towards others, an unusual choice was made in his final moments to fill him with regret and guilt. When he finally gets what he believed he wanted all this time, the highest number, it is at the cost of “the life” of Grace. And in his insanity we see him switch between an accomplished madness and a deep sadness. When he sees Grace is still alive, there’s no time for him to even process what happened.

I really love the writing of Grace and Simon. They were both plunged into the same situation but it’s how they dealt with it that makes all the difference. We can’t expect Simon to have addressed the situation the way Grace did because they simply weren’t dealt the same cards. Everyone in the series has someone they can rely on but Simon had nothing but the distances that grew between him and his friends.

There’s an interesting parallel between the aforementioned Lake and of course Simon. They’re both incredibly angry characters yet Lake, through the support of her friend Jesse manages to take control and leave the train. Lake doesn’t necessarily overcome her anger because as the show heavily suggests, facing strong and overwhelming emotions is crucial for healing and change, but her support network prevents her from letting it consume her, unlike Simon.

The way that the show treats Simon is incredibly unfair yet intentional. Throughout the episodes there is a constant reminder of some fantasy book that Simon has written that he urges Grace to read but we never get to see it until the very end. Until it’s too late. It's for certain that he has written out his thoughts and feelings in a way he can control, that being, in a work of fiction. In a major confrontation with his former null, she states that Simon can’t control the people around him as if they were his miniatures i.e. a part of the world he has built for himself. There’s power in the omission of detail and this is definitely the case for Simon. As the season ended on a cliffhanger and Simon’s journey ends the way it did, the book Simon wrote will play a much larger role in the next season. Grace (alongside the audience) will most likely better understand Simon and she will finally learn how much Simon loved and cared for her. When that happens, it will hurt, but that’s the beauty of the series.

Simon was doomed from the start. From the presentation of his narrative and journey to the way his friends perceived and acted towards him, Simon had no chance. It’s easy to say that happiness is a choice but there was nothing he could do to force the hands of those around him. It’s easy to blame Simon for the events of book three but the matter of fact is, we are all products of our environment and although we can try our best to change our fates, sometimes the external factors can overwhelm the goodwill of an individual. We can only hope that when book four rolls around, he will finally get what he really deserves: a voice that is heard.